Jail Experiences 2

Living with 60 guys in a big jail dorm you learn different traits, habits and stories of some of the convicts. 1. One of my convict buddies -about 20- worked as a shoe salesman at a large department store. He did't need a pickup line--to pick up dates he would give women free shoes. 2. In jail I have 2 nicknames. 1. The Living Fossil because I'm one of the oldest in the jail--77 2. They also call me the Colonel because I look like the Colonel of the Kentucky Fried Chicken chain. (KFC) 3. But I'm changing sponsors from finger lickin good to Lickin Corruption in Florida or the new KFC called Kicking Florida Corruption. 4. Since I look like the KFC guy- one of my homeless convict buddies has me upset because he eats chicken out of Popeye's DUMPSTERS. 5. One guy talks 96 % of the time he is awake. It is called verbal diarhrea He loves talking about Marsupials. 6. the jail is very clean and we have trustees to clean and serve the food. They get extra food, bottom bunks and no $2.00 a day taken off your commissary. We have guards that keep order. Some are ex military, criminal justice majors, etc. The guards are Deputy Sheriffs and carry tasers. I get along with all the all of them--even Lugo. When you get Lugo in the Sali-port with the female nurses that give medicine Lugo melts like my favorite Arizona Chocolate Moose ice cream cone. 7. After the guards check body count to see if no one has escaped they bring in the food for meals. When everything is ready one guard yells FEED EM like we are cattle. 8. In some jails you wear black and white uniforms. Here we all wear orange and we look like a pumpkin in a pumpkin match. 9. One guy in bible study will never be able to be forgiven of his his sins because he lusts 24-7 for women. This should not be a sin for anyone over 70. 10. One guy about 6'7" stands up as he wipes his ass. See my video on The Lombardo Shackled Ass Wiff. 11. One guy is 6'8" and 6'6" at the same time. His one leg is 2" shorter than the other. 12 When they grill what I think are our hamburgers they grill the burger only one side. The grill marks are on one side only. 13. You are not allowed to get out of jail for funerals. Only when you die. 14. One diabetic guy just had both front teeth pulled and he was showing me the teeth vacancies as he needed ibuprofen. He was in such pain he ate about 20 chocolate candy bars -maybe to commit suicide- and started walking around like a Zombie and pissed all over the floor. 15. Some guys CHEEK their medicine and sell the medicine to others.--mainly sleeping medicine. 16. It is amazing how bad drugs can ruin your teeth. One good looking kid about 30 smiled and his teeth were 90% rotted out. 17. I floss my teeth with a hair net. They do not fill cavities -they just pull teeth. 18 One guy has a nose that is not in a good configuration to his face--he has a deviated rectum. 19. Many guys have kids but never get married. They are called Baby Mama's. 20 I play Bingo twice a week. 21. One guy thinks he is Fabio--He has very long hair knowing he will be bald when he goes to prison. 22. One guy wants me to go to Haiti with him---he wants to fix me up with all the hookers in Haiti. 23. One guy brushes his hair with his tooth brush. 24. Some guys CHEEK their medicine and sell it to other convicts. If you get caught you go to the hole. I'm not proficient in cheeking. 25. One guy got so upset he hit the steel bed with his fist and the bed moved. The beds are bolted into the floor 26. We have aluminum mirrors that are bolted into the wall. I think I still have white hair. 27. The first time I got my haircut the convict barber cut off my eyebrows also. Afterwards I found out he stabbed a lady 60 times. 28 One guy has a 12 pound head. 29. One guy's mother writes religious books. I hope to work with her also on a sermon I want to give called How To Deal With A Wicked Man---Lombardo. 30. I don't have a criminal record or ever committed a crime plus I don't have any MRVs or minor rules violations like talking back to a guard in jail. 31. One young guy was out at Rec or outside recreation and the lady convicts dorm has tinted windows next to the basketball court. This young guy saw this lady behind the tinted glass and told her she had nice breasts--But the lady was a lady deputy sheriff. Not a good idea. 32. When the guys play basketball outside they don't guard the guy with he ball--they ki ll the guy with the ball. Lot of injuries.