Jail Experiences 3

Living with 60 guys in a jail dorm --a variety of circumstances happen. 1. Many guys in jail have problems with their wives or girlfriends on the outside so one guy specializes in writing romantic and love letters for the guys. Very effective. 2. We have laundry twice a week -so i wear at night to bed the same as I wear all day. We have 2 sets of orange uniforms. All my white under wear has turned orange. My entire laundry bag is washed all together- my clothes are not cleaned individually. 3. There is no fine dining in jail so I try to be creative to eat better. 4. There are 5 different meals for lunch or dinner. Hi protein meal, vegetarian, glutton free, diabetic and regular. I'm diabetic but glutton free meals are the best. So I give commissary to the glutton free guys to get turkey, oranges, more fruit and more milk. 5. Vegetarian guys eat beans twice a day. We all get a lot of beans. One guy wrote a poem about beans. " In my dreams I dream of beans. Do you know what it means - it is not as hard as it seems to eat a whole lot of beans" 6. One homeless guy -when he is out of jail- takes showers in people's backyard at abut 2-3 AM in the morning with their lawn hose. To get a better wash he is stark naked. 7. Lot of guys read Mafia books. 8. One guy says selling drugs should be legal-- because he needs to support his family. 9. I was fired as the conductor of the dorm Symphony Orchestra because-- I got The Mozart music mixed up with the Mofart music. 10. If someone needs a heart operation etc. at the local hospital he will be chained to the bed during the operation. 11. Every Wednesday night we change sheets and have major shake downs by the guards. They go through our bags etc to find drugs shanks etc. 12. We get all our proper medicine but some guys CHEEK their medicine and then sell the medicine. 13. We have a Canibal that lives with us. He eats people and rats without any condiments. I wrote a poem about him and Lombardo. 14. One white guy tried to start a riot in the dorm with black, Spanish and whites. Right now at least 60% of the dorm is Spanish. More coming through Mexico. 15. We wear black crocs as shoes. Some wear shower shoes all day. 16. One guy sits on his top bunk and meditates toward the wall about 80% of he time he is awake. 17. As I said there is no fine dining. When we get Mac and Cheese it comes like a hard softball and you can pick it up and throw it to another convict. 18. I get insulin off and on for my diabetes and we get insulin shots at 3 in the morning. They also take blood to see if we need insulin. I wrote a poem about the 4 beautiful night nurses and Fred---My Blood is Red-my Blood is Red. 19. The jail is also a mental ward. Many crazies and mentally violent like Lombardo. 20. Many women are high up in the jail system. 21. I have many nightmares but one guy not only talks in his sleep but YELLS in his sleep. 22. It is very boring in jail so I spend a humongous amount of time watching my toe nails grow. I have over a years growth. I call it the Lombardo Boredom Little Toe Toe Nail Race. The left toe nail grows out, over and under. It is a beautiful sight. 23. You are not allowed to touch the guards. One guy tapped the guard on the shoulder to ask him question and almost went to the hole for 30 days. 24. I was standing next to a big black guy and a white guy that were ready to hit each other. I said to them a wise man will walk away. The black guy thanked me and high fived me and walked away. . The next day he beat the shit out of guy and will spend another 2 years in jail. 25. Many guys shower in their under wear. Not me--I'm a proud man. 26. We are in jail in southern Florida and one guy went to high school in NE Indiana and his high school is about 300 yards from my family cemetery plots including my tombstone. 27 An armed robber ran the football pool. He kept winning because he put his scores in after the games were over. 28. When I was in a 2 man cell my Spanish cell mate was having problems with his rectum. I told him to draw a picture and I gave it to the English speaking nurse. Besides being a jail house lawyer I'm now a Rectologist. 29. One guy wants to put my bumper stickers on his semi truck to help me fight corruption. 30. One guys retirement plan is to live his life out in jail. 31. The Recidivism rate here in Florida is about 80%. Which means 80% of the guys who get out of jail go back to jail. 32. One guy is a sports trivia nut. He can tell you in what NFL game that John Riggins ran how many yards on his 45th game of his career and if there was snow on the ground, what he ate for dinner and which of his wives he was with that night. 33. One guy got in a shotgun dual with another guy with a shotgun and his one eye was very red. He was about 20 and 110 pounds. He came up to me and pointed 2 fingers in my face and said he saw me looking at him in the shower. He is nuts plus I think I got hit on. His family mortgaged their entire house to get him out on bond. I'm in jail for poor singing and acting and have no bond and he is shooting others and is out on bond. Go figure. 34. I think I'm going to talk to the Actors Guild in New York. I think I'm the only one who has been put in jail for poor acting. 35 One guys breasts are bigger than Kim Kardashians 36. There are about 700 inmates in the Naples jail at $300.00 a day from the state for each inmate is $218,000 a day times 365 equals about $76 million a year. If there are 300 employees at $45,000 a year plus HVAC and food or $25 million a year or about $50 million a year profit. That is why they put innocent people in jail like me --Follow the money. 37. Guys fill big plastic bags full of water for lifting weights. 38. One guy is on the phone all day to look like he has friends. 39. I'm writing a book called Bodybag. You visit Florida and go home in a Bodybag because of corruption in the Florida legal system. 40. One inmates dad hung himself and the inmate was put on suicide watch where he had to wear body protection so he wouldn't hurt himself. 41. One of the guys that I talk to has committed one of the most heinous crimes in the US with children. He is called a Cho Mo--a child molester. 42. The best meal we have is Tacos or cheese toasties. Lot of meat is mystery meat. 43. One homeless guy trespasses intentionally once a month so he can go to jail to get a bed, medicine and food. 44. If one dies in jail without family they are buried in Boothill in northern Florida. 45. The worst thing I've done wrong in jail is that I don't make my bed properly. I make it like a lazyboy. No MRV's yet. 46. I take 11 pills each morning for medicine and one pill at night. The nurses are great. 47. One guy slipped on the concrete floor and and hit his head--he almost didn't make it. 48. They yell different Codes over the loud speaker--like Code Green -where someone is very sick Code Blue -a fight. 49. Some say that being in jail- you lose some of your memory. 50. We get 2 towels -each about the size of 2 large napkins. 51. I'm trying to make 2 movies about my case and why I'm in jail. 1. The Psychopath attorney and 2. Not Smokey and the Bandit but Stormy and the bald Judges. Stay tuned. 52. I love writing poems and songs but I'm in jail for my poor acting and poor singing. None are crimes. 53. Late in the evening many inmates make a BRICK which is noodles, Jalapeno cheese poppers, egg yoke, mustard, mayonnaise, water a chili seasoning. No alcohol with the meal. 54. The shower water is very hard which makes my skin flake so they recommend I shower every other day. The drinking water is warm.. All we get cold is milk. 55. Being in jail is like living in a fraternity but you can't get out. 56. It is amazing how well many convicts know the bible. I guess they have had plenty of TIME to learn it. The COLONEL